Life is partially difficult because we control so little of what happens around us. On any given day, considering the best of circumstances, you and I control about 10% of what happens in our external life. 10%!! Wow! No wonder it can be so frustrating! The weather, the wars, the neighbors, the traffic, the boss, the dog, the cat, the spouse! Such chaos! And some people put a huge amount of effort into trying to control those things around them. I know people like that. It’s exhausting, it’s scary, it’s never-ending. It leaves little energy for fun things like dancing.
Some research does point to some positive news - that we can control up to 90% of what happens inside of us!!! Ahhh, much better. Because, to be honest, I do like to be in control of my life as much as possible. I like to feel my agency in my life. It gives me a sense of freedom and a sense of choice.
Having an internal locus of control is what allows people to have greater control in their lives and, therefore, a greater agency over the quality of their lives. Internal locus of control means more focus on what happens inside me - my thoughts, feelings, reactions, impulses, bodily sensations, etc., versus focusing on what is happening outside of me.
It is often the case that we want someone or something to change in order to make our lives better. And sometimes changing our circumstances is possible and even necessary - finding another job, finding another spouse, another locale to live in. But we eventually always end up with ourselves. “Wherever you go, there you are!”
Internal locus of control not only allows for greater agency over the quality of your life, but it also increases the sense of resiliency and competency. You can control your life. By controlling yourself. And the first step to controlling yourself is self-awareness. What are you thinking and feeling, and sensing? Are you being honest with yourself? Many mindfulness practices can be helpful in cultivating a deeper self-awareness, and I am here to help if you need some guidance.
